Tomato Soup Cake!

Fruit Cocktail Eggnog Pie!

Wax Paper Stained Glass!

Dr. Husband's Wrapping Paper Holder!

Muffin Cup Snowflakes!

Eggshell Ornaments!

Kitschmas Craft-acular!

Happy Thanksgiven! (That's past-tense for Thanksgiving in case you're wondering)

Angel Salad

found on the internets

The Holidays are coming and I'M NOT READY. As evidenced by the fact that I'm just now posting about Thanksgiving. Unforgivable. 

You might actually look at the above photo and think that I'm still on Hallowe'en.  I dare say the color is deceptive, the cornucopia mold is actually adorable.  And the taste? Stay tuned!

Dr. Husband and I have been working about 13 hours a day for the past three months, which is why the festive season has caught us so unawares.  We'll be back on track in time for Kitschmas, never fear. In the meantime, you can come see us in person, if you're so inclined, and happen to be in Western Maryland or the Eastern Panhandle of West Virginia.

The recipe is Angel Salad, a run-of-the-mill mid-century gelatinized side dish.  Found on the internets by Googling for appropriate recipes for a cornucopia mold:

1 (6 ounce) package lime flavored Jell-O® mix
2 cups hot water
2 (3 ounce) packages cream cheese, softened
1 (8 ounce) can crushed pineapple, drained
1 (2 ounce) jar diced pimento peppers, drained
1 cup diced celery
1 cup chopped pecans
1 cup heavy cream

In a small bowl, dissolve the lime flavored gelatin in hot water. Allow it to cool for 10 minutes.
In a medium bowl, mix together the cream cheese, pineapple, pimento peppers, celery and pecans. Fold in the gelatin. Chill in the refrigerator 1 hour, or until thickened but not firm. Whip the heavy cream in a small bowl until thickened. Fold into the gelatin mixture. Refrigerate 3 hours, or until firmly gelled.

Full disclosure, I completely forgot about the whipped cream. The final product didn't seem to suffer too awfully:

Our Rating:  Two Screaming Husbands!
(all dishes are rated from one to five Screaming Husbands. One Screaming Husband equals a happy home where all problems are solved during cocktail hour. Five Screaming Husbands signals the beginning of divorce proceedings.)

Glace Fish Mold!

Every few weeks, Facebook becomes re-enamored with some variation of "21 Most Disgusting Retro Recipes" and you Kitchenettes trip all over yourselves sending me the link. I'm grateful to be remembered, I really am; but to paraphrase the immortal words of Miss Faye Dunaway in Mommie Dearest, "I'm not mad at you, Helga, I'm mad at the dirt."  

Buzzfeed has failed to perform due diligence in their besmirching of mid-century cookery - I've already made several of their "disgusting" recipes, and without exception they were - well, "not awful" might be the best that could be said about some of them, but others, like today's offering, are quite a sucess.

I'll grant you that it looks like something the dog disgorged, though.

"Glace Fish Mold" is almost always included in Buzzfeed's list, but invariably it's just the picture, with no recipe attached. I had a devil of a time tracking down how to make it, but finally found a recipe courtesy of our friends over at Brain Pickings:

You'll notice right away that my creation looks nothing at all like the picture above, even though I followed the recipe to the letter. My testers theorized that the dish in the photo might contain some tomato juice; I'm more inclined to blame bad lighting.

I'm sure you're all anxious to get to the video so you can watch Dr. Husband retch all over our newly-finished dining room, but I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed:

Our Rating:  One Screaming Husband!
(all dishes are rated from one to five Screaming Husbands. One Screaming Husband equals a happy home where all problems are solved during cocktail hour. Five Screaming Husbands signals the beginning of divorce proceedings.)

Hallowe'en Hints!

Veg-All Pie Plate Salad!

contributed by THE LARSEN CO., Green Bay, Wis.

 

I'm not going to beat around the bush, ladies - Dr. Husband and I have practically been working round the clock, and so this week's entry is a little weak on content. And effort, if we're being honest. In fact, calling it "this week's" entry is disingenuous as this dish was made and sat in the fridge for about eight days before we got around to tasting it. Not to worry, Jell-O is a superb preservative!

The other feature ingredient here is Veg-All, "serving up memories since 1926." Originally crafted to ease the burden of homemade pot pies and vegetable soups, Veg-All became a boon to mid-century housewives experimenting with all sorts of casseroles. From the Veg-All website:

         While its nutritional benefits are legendary, Veg-All mixed vegetables 

         bring something just as important to the table ... convenience. 

         Each can of Veg-All has the perfect blend of carrots, potatoes, 

         green beans, corn and lima beans ... it’s the easy solution to any 

         recipe dilemma. Just open and enjoy!

The recipe for "Pie-Plate Salad" was sent to me by a fan. Maybe, I can't quite remember. I may have seen it on Gilligan's Island, for all I know. At any rate, I'm even too lazy this week to type out the recipe, so here it is in it's original form:

Though simple, I was intrigued that there was no modification of the gelatin - normally savory dishes call for a dash of salt or vinegar, or both, to cut the sweetness.  Not so here - it practically makes itself!

Unfortunately, you then have to eat it....

Our Rating:  Four Screaming Husbands!
(all dishes are rated from one to five Screaming Husbands. One Screaming Husband equals a happy home where all problems are solved during cocktail hour. Five Screaming Husbands signals the beginning of divorce proceedings.)

Beet Jell-O Salad!

contributed by Mrs. Eric H. Spinney
The Bluenose Cookbook: Famous Yarmouth Recipes

As careful readers will recall, Dr. Husband and I spent some time north of the border this summer, in Nova Scotia to be exact, exploring some little bits of Dr. Husband's foreign ancestry.

Traveling around the peninsula, one realizes that the hardy Nova Scotians will throw just about anything in a pot and eat it, an observation borne out by the types of recipes I've found in my souvenir cookbook, The Bluenose Cookbook: Famous Yarmouth Recipes, published by the Ladies' Auxiliary of the Yarmouth Y.M.C.A.  Plenty of molded salads to be found here, as well as steamed vegetable puddings; fish balls, cakes, stews and chowders; extruded potato casseroles and enough fruit compotes that they could have published a book just of them.

I chose beets for today's dish because I had them on hand, and it's admittedly low risk since I've had good luck with beet/Jell-o combinations in the past.  Plus, unlike the easy sell for Dr. Husband, today I'll be serving to company!

The recipe is simple as can be, but here's a friendly tip:  Don't mix your ingredients in a glass bowl, precariously placed on the edge of a counter in your new kitchen that you're not used to yet. Or your first batch may end up looking something like this:

The second batch went a little more smoothly.

Beet Jello Salad - Mrs. Eric H. Spinney

1 can diced beets (15 oz.)
2 pkgs. lemon jello (3-oz. packages)
4 heaping tbsp. horseradish (that's a LOT of horseradish, friends. I used about half that.)
3 tbsp, vinegar
1 grated onion (medium)

Drain beets, add enough water to beet juice to make 3 cups. Boil this and add and dissolve jello powder.  To this add remaining ingredients.  Cut in squares, or use jelly molds.

Mrs. Spinney didn't instruct us to chill before cutting in squares, but I guess we're all on board with that, n'est ce pas (as they say in Canada)?

She also didn't mention the timing of adding your ingredients into the Jell-O...maybe because it's colder in Canada things set up more quickly, but I added everything all at once and found that the horseradish congregated at the bottom of the mold and the beets at the top. Nice layering effect, but if you want things more blended, let the Jell-O firm up a bit before adding things in.

Anyway, I know you're all only here for the cute video, so...

Our Rating:  One Screaming Husband!
(all dishes are rated from one to five Screaming Husbands. One Screaming Husband equals a happy home where all problems are solved during cocktail hour. Five Screaming Husbands signals the beginning of divorce proceedings.)

Hot Dog Loaf #3!

Well, hello there Kitschenettes! Are you ready to get back to cooking seemingly-disgusting dishes to foist into your unsuspecting loved ones? I know I am!

You may or may not have known or cared, but Dr. Husband and I left the rented confines of the former Historic Test Kitchen this summer and set ourselves up in our very own little love nest. By "set ourselves up" I mean dumped all our stuff in the new place and then set off for ten days in Canada, to experience a little of Dr. Husband's ancestral background. (Lots of wacked-out recipe inspiration north of the border, including today's offering!)  Then we spent the rest of the summer visiting sites of National importance, most of which I hope you've vicariously visited with us and told all your friends about. Then I took a new job which cuts my commute from six hours to one. So more time for cooking!

Now, then - gleaned in a Canadian swap shop was this little gem, Mettja C. Roate's 1968 New Hot Dog Cookbook:

As Ms. Roate proudly proclaims right there on the cover, "Kids love them - adults adore them - and they're so easy on the budget!" (disclaimer - one or more of those statements may not be true)

The book is helpfully divided into sections: Hors d'oeurves, Soups (!), Salads, Casseroles, etc. Honestly, I could probably blog for a year just with this book alone. Along with the recipes, we get informative insights like the following, "Seasoned ground meat held captive in a casing goes way back into ancient history", and, "The fellow who put the long bun around the wiener came from St. Louis."

The New Hot Dog Cookbook contains no less than FOUR distinct recipes for Hot Dog Loaf, and today we'll explore #3, for no particular reason other than I already had most of the ingredients on hand.  Ready? Let's go!

10 hot dogs (I used all-beef)
1 cup canned tomatoes (I used fresh)
1 cup canned peas, drained
1 cup canned carrots, drained
1/2 cup chopped cashew nuts
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper
1/2 teaspoon Accent (I used garlic powder)
1/4 cup minced onion
1 cup soft, white enriched bread crumbs
1/2 cup half-and-half
3 eggs, beaten until lemon yellow
1 tablespoon melted butter

Chop the hot dogs until they are the consistency of coarse corn meal. Mix the chopped hot dogs, tomatoes, peas, carrots, cashews, salt, Accent, pepper, onions and bread crumbs thoroughly.

Mix the cream and beaten eggs together and add to the mixture. Stir in the melted butter. Mix thoroughly, and place in a lightly buttered loaf tin. Bake in a 350 degree oven for 1 hour or until the center is firm. Serve in 1-1/2 inch slices. Serves six generously.

I couldn't get six people willing to try it, but here's how it went with three:

Our Ratings:  Two-and-a-half/Three Screaming Husbands!
(all dishes are rated from one to five Screaming Husbands. One Screaming Husband equals a happy home where all problems are solved during cocktail hour. Five Screaming Husbands signals the beginning of divorce proceedings.)

On the Road - FOAMHENGE!

On the Road - Walton's Mountain Museum!

On the Road - The Farnham Colossi!

On the Road - Roadside America!

On the Road: Mister Ed's Elephant Museum!

On the Road: New Vrindaban Golden Palace!

Almost set up in the brand-new Historic Test Kitchen, and ready to start tormenting - errr, I mean, COOKING for Dr. Husband. In the meantime....

Ham and Bananas Hollandaise!

McCall's Great American Recipe Card Collection (1973)

 

If you spend any unproductive time on the internet - since you're reading this, I'll just go ahead and assume you do -  you've undoubtedly seen a link along the lines of "The 21 Most Revolting Recipes Ever" or somesuch, which inevitably includes the shimmering delight pictured above. Then, as one does, you just as inevitably think of yours truly and race to be the first to copy the link to my Facebook page. Well, you can stop sending it now - bowing to the popular will, I've gone ahead and made it for myself.

Here's the recipe, from 1973:

6 medium bananas
1/4 cup lemon juice
6 thin slices boiled ham (about 1/2 lb)
3 tablespoons prepared mustard
2 envelopes (1 1/4-oz size) hollandaise sauce mix
1/4 cup light cream

1. Preheat oven to 400F. Lightly butter 2-quart, shallow baking dish.
2. Peel bananas; sprinkle each with 1/2 tablespoon lemon juice, to prevent darkening.
3. Spread ham slices with mustard. Wrap each banana in slice of ham. Arrange in single layer in casserole. Bake 10 minutes.
4. Meanwhile, make sauce: In small saucepan, combine sauce mix with 1 cup water, 1 tablespoon lemon juice, and cream. Heat, stirring, to boiling; pour over bananas. Bake 5 minutes longer, or until slightly golden. Nice with a green salad for brunch or lunch. Makes 6 servings.

I couldn't find hollandaise sauce mix, so I made a quick mock hollandiase:

1/4 cup mayonnaise
1/4 cup sour cream
2 tablespoons lemon juice 
1 teaspoon mustard

Mix all ingredients until blended.

Sorry to say, my version didn't turn out quite as pretty as the recipe card version:

 

But how does it taste?  Well, Dr. Husband is here with special guest Crow to tell us all about it!

Our Ratings:  Three/Four Screaming Husbands!
(all dishes are rated from one to five Screaming Husbands. One Screaming Husband equals a happy home where all problems are solved during cocktail hour. Five Screaming Husbands signals the beginning of divorce proceedings.)

Tuna Nicoise Mold b/w French Toasted Mortadella-Salami-Artichoke Sandwiches

The New Joys of Jell-O (1973)
The Midnight Cookbook (1971)

 

A double feature! Dr. Husband and I are on the road this summer - as you well know if you're following our travel posts -  and today we're coming to you from lovely Florence, South Carolina, home of Seminar Brewing, and of course you'll remember Dr. and Mrs. Substitute.

A quick scan through the French-Toasted sandwich recipe will tell you that it doesn't sound disgusting at all, just interesting, and since we had to make dinner anyway, we figured we might as well make something delicious.  The Tuna Nicoise Mold, on the other hand - well, a glimpse of the photo above may be reminiscent of a frat house bathroom on a Sunday morning, but as longtime readers know, we've never been led astray by a seafood/Jell-O combination.

Tuna Nicoise Mold (aka Jellied Salad Nicoise)

1 can (7 oz.) tuna, drained and coarsely flaked

1 small tomato, diced and drained

1/2 cup cooked cut green beans (I used canned)

2 tablespoons sliced ripe olives

2 tablespoons green pepper strips (I used roasted red)

2 tablespoons red onion strips

2 tablespoons mild French or Italian dressing (I used Mrs. Substitute's homemade French)

1 package (3 oz.) Jell-O Lemon Gelatin

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup boiling water

1/2 cup cold water

2 teaspoons vinegar

1 hard-cooked egg, diced

2 cups coarsely chopped lettuce

1/2 cup mayonnaise

2 tablespoons cream or milk

2 anchovy fillets, finely chopped (optional)

Combine tuna, vegetables, and French dressing in a bowl. Mix lightly; let stand while preparing gelatin mixture.

Dissolve gelatin and salt in boiling water. Add cold water and vinegar. Chill until mixture just begins to thicken. Then spoon vegetable mixture and diced egg into a 6-cup ring mold. Pour on half the gelatin. Spread lettuce on top. Add remaining gelatin. Chill until firm - at least 4 hours.

Mix mayonnaise, cream and anchovies. Unmold salad. Garnish with watercress, if desired. Serve with mayonnaise dressing. Makes about 5 cups or 6 entree salads.

French Toasted Mortadella, Salami, and Artichoke Sandwiches

16 slices thin white sandwich bread

Soft butter or margarine

1 pound mortadella sausage, thinly sliced

1/2 pound genoa salami, thinly sliced

6 ounce jar artichoke hearts in oil

4 eggs, slightly beaten

1/2 cup light cream or milk

Salad oil

(at Mrs. Substitute's suggestion, I added a slice of Swiss cheese to each sandwich.)

Spread 8 slices of bread generously with soft butter. Place mortadella and salami on buttered bread. Meat should not extend beyond margin of bread. Drain artichoke hearts, reserving oil. Cut artichoke hearts into thin slices and place them on meat. Brush remaining bread with oil from artichoke hearts. Put bread slices together to make sandwiches. Press lightly. Mix eggs and cream. Heat 1/4 inch salad oil in electric skillet preheated at 370 degrees (I used cooking spray in a non-electric skillet). Holding each sandwich firmly with two hands, dip into egg mixture briefly as in making French toast. Sauté sandwiches until medium brown on both sides.

If you were looking forward to some tuna-induced retching this week, I hate to disappoint you, but we have two winners:

Our Ratings:  
Tuna Nicoise Mold - One Screaming Husband!
French Toasted Sandwiches - Zero Screaming Husbands!

(all dishes are rated from one to five Screaming Husbands. One Screaming Husband equals a happy home where all problems are solved during cocktail hour. Five Screaming Husbands signals the beginning of divorce proceedings.)

On the Road - Shenandoah Caverns!

Tropicana Sundae!

suggested by Murph!

57 Prize Winning Recipes; H J Heinz Co., 1957

Now that we've broken the Ketchup Barrier, all things are possible. Today's ketchup-infused recipe was unearthed by my boyfriend-in-law Murph (currently on tour with his band - check your local listings and get out to support our hipster overlords!)

 

The key to this recipe is finding mint-flavored apple jelly - not apple jelly, and not mint jelly, only MINT FLAVORED APPLE will do. I expected to have a lot more trouble finding it, and so had all sorts of alternate methods worked out to combine them separately - but as I was in a pretty big metropolitan area I found it easily.

The recipe (remember as we move forward - it was a PRIZE-WINNER) is as simple as can be:

The jelly wasn't Heinz brand, but the ketchup was, and I suppose that's the most important part.

I was visiting Sissy's house for Mother's Day weekend, and enlisted her for the tasting part:

Our Rating: Three Screaming Husbands!

(all dishes are rated from one to five Screaming Husbands. One Screaming Husband equals a happy home where all problems are solved during cocktail hour. Five Screaming Husbands signals the beginning of divorce proceedings.)

Tomato Aspic. With Starbursts!

contributed by Spencer H.

You may be sick of seeing aspic recipes, and maybe so am I, but after receiving a pleading letter from a fan, I just couldn't resist this one.

Spencer, the aforementioned fan, writes:

Hi, Dr. Bobb and Dr. Husband:
The above is the most revolting mold recipe I've ever come across. Please please make it!

He also adds,

Thanks for all the great content. You two are adorable.

Thus ensuring that I would make it immediately.

Now, then, have you ever wished you could find a whole book of recipes incorporating your favorite M&M/Mars brand candies? Well, YOUR WISH HAS COME TRUE. Rather, your wish did come true, roundabout 1978, when Sweet Treat Cookery was published. Don't worry, I'd never heard of it, either, but rest assured that my copy is now on its way.

Ostensibly filled with ways to spice up your next desert buffet, there's apparently also a main courses section, which is where we find today's offering.

A pretty standard aspic recipe, which I think I could make in my sleep by now...but with Starbursts!

2 tablespoons (2 envelopes) unflavored gelatin
1/4 cup water
4 cups tomato juice
2 (1-11/16 oz.) pkgs. STARBURST Fruit Chews (22 candies)
1/2 teaspoon celery salt
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
4 drops hot pepper sauce
1/3 cup chopped green pepper
1/3 cup sliced green onion
Salad greens
Mayonnaise

Combine gelatin and water. Let stand 3 to 4 minutes. In a medium saucepan, combine 1 cup tomato juice and candies. Melt over low heat, stirring until smooth. Add celery salt, Worcestershire sauce, hot pepper sauce and gelatin mixture. Stir until gelatin melts. Blend in remaining tomato juice, green pepper and green onions. Pour into an oiled 6-cup mold. Chill until firm, 4 to 5 hours. Serve on salad greens with mayonnaise dressing. Makes 6 to 8 servings.

I should mention that this recipe has already been made and tested, on a rival blog. Her husband couldn't even stomach the first bite, let's see how mine does:

Our Rating: Five Screaming Husbands!

(all dishes are rated from one to five Screaming Husbands. One Screaming Husband equals a happy home where all problems are solved during cocktail hour. Five Screaming Husbands signals the beginning of divorce proceedings.)

On the Road: Crystal Grottoes!

Hey look! A new feature! As you might imagine, Dr. Husband and I enjoy exploring all the kooky and kitschy attractions that our great land has to offer, so we thought we might as well just bring the internet along with us, since we pretty much have nothing better to do with our time.  First up is Crystal Grottoes Caverns in Boonsboro, Maryland - a little gem right down the road from the Historic Test Kitchen. Come on, let's go!

Our Rating: One 1/2 Screaming Children!

(all travel destinations are rated from one to five Screaming Children. One Screaming Child equals a must-stop. Five Screaming Children get a cold bath, a plate of broccoli, an hour of CNN, and straight to bed.)

Happy Easter!

Creamed Corn Spaghetti

Prize-winning urban legend brought to life!

Horrifyingly, I was having a conversation recently with someone who had not heard of Dr. Bobb's Kitschen. Which means you people haven't been busy liking our Facebook page , talking us up at cocktail parties, distributing flyers around your neighborhoods, and whatnot. GET BUSY.

Anyway, back to my story. My friend related that her sister, many years ago, had a go-to recipe called "Creamed Corn and Spaghetti". The dish was apparently so delicious, and so frequently made, that the sister had submitted it to a newspaper recipe contest. But, feeling like maybe the recipe, on paper at least, was a little too....well, to be politic I'll say "down home" for a high-falutin' newspaper contest, sister submitted the recipe under her mother's name.

Long story short - recipe won, mother horrified, yadda yadda yadda, family lore is born.

It was Aristotle, I believe, who said that "The whole is greater than the sum of its parts," so let's do a little math with today's ingredients and see how that statement holds up.

Spaghetti + Cheese = awesome
Spaghetti + Butter = awesome
Butter + Corn = awesome
Corn + Cream Sauce = awesome

Spaghetti + Butter + Cheese + Corn + Cream Sauce = SUPER AWESOME

It's true!  Thanks, Aristotle!

And why not mix all these things together? As my father used to say, while stirring the entire contents of his dinner plate into one giant lump of grayish matter that vaguely resembled food, "It all goes to the same place."

My friend couldn't recall the exact recipe - she believed it also involved cream of mushroom soup - but cobbling together a few different versions from the internets, I came up with the following:

1 can cream-style corn
1 can whole-kernel corn with liquid
1 cup (about 1/3 pound) spaghetti, uncooked, broken up
1 cup grated cheddar or mozarella cheese (I used a half cup of each)
1/2 stick butter, melted

Combine all ingredients in a casserole dish. Bake covered at 350 for 30 minutes. Uncover, and bake an additional 30 minutes.

You'll see that Dr. Husband struggled with his rating - Also due to the white-trashiness of the combination of ingredients.

Our Rating: Two One Screaming Husband!

(all dishes are rated from one to five Screaming Husbands. One Screaming Husband equals a happy home where all problems are solved during cocktail hour. Five Screaming Husbands signals the beginning of divorce proceedings.)

Tomato Pineapple Surprise

The Joys of Jell-O (1960)

 

I'll be perfectly blunt: today's post is less about the recipe (which didn't sound altogether disgusting to me) and more about featuring my new collection of Mirro brand Copper-tone Molds (with Alumilite finish!) which I fetched at an antique mall in Burlington, NC, mint in box for nine dollars. YES, NINE DOLLARS. 

Another ten bucks for my long-coveted fish mold (still with the Mirro-brand sticker affixed) and it was a happy day, indeed.

The Aluminum Manufacturing Company of Two Rivers, Wisconsin, was incorporated in 1895, inspired by the white-metal wonders from Germany that had been featured at the Columbian Exposition of 1893. In 1909, they merged with the Manitowoc Aluminum Novelty Company in neighboring Manitowoc, and a legend was almost-born! (FUN FACT: Manitowoc Mayor Justin Nickels, is one of the youngest serving Mayors in the US!)

The company's early days were spent producing heavy-gauge, high-quality pots and pans for the emerging American housewife, as well as combs, compacts, and other "novelty" items.  By mid-century, they had expanded to become almost entirely a cookware manufacturer, including the radiant molds you see above!

(You can find a more exhaustive history of Mirro, at least up through 1955, in the 1955 edition of The Mixing Bowl, downloadable here.)

Now, the recipe - a pretty standard tomato aspic variation from 1960's Joys of Jell-O. I apologize for the lack of originality, but it was my first time home in three-and-a-half weeks. I'll have a little more imagination next week.

You CAN make the below without the pineapple (it which case it's called just Tomato Surprise - "A can of flavorful stewed tomatoes becomes a tempting mold!" - if you do so, eliminate 1/2 tsp. of the vinegar and the allspice.)

1 can (1 lb.) stewed tomatoes
1 can (8 3/4 oz.) crushed pineapple
1 package (3 oz.) Jell-O Lemon, Lemon-Lime, Strawberry, or Mixed Fruit Gelatin (I used Lemon)
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 tablespoons vinegar
1/8 teaspoon allspice

Pour tomatoes and drained pineapple into saucepan, saving cans to use as molds (I used one of my new fancy molds.) Bring mixture to a boil; add Jell-O Gelatin, salt, and allspice, stirring until dissolved. Add vinegar. Pour into mold or cans. Chill until firm. Serve with mayonnaise, if desired. (You'll desire it, trust me.)

Dr. Husband has a history of not minding tomato aspic, so I wasn't too worried about the tasting:

Our Rating: Two Screaming Husbands!

(all dishes are rated from one to five Screaming Husbands. One Screaming Husband equals a happy home where all problems are solved during cocktail hour. Five Screaming Husbands signals the beginning of divorce proceedings.)

Great Canadian Ketchup Cake

contributed by Heinz™ Ketchup

 

Do you remember what you were doing on this day in 1971?  Maybe enjoying guests Bernadette Peters and George Hamilton on The Ed Sullivan Show, or Burl Ives and Anne Murray on the Glen Campbell Good Time Hour. Maybe mourning Davey Jones' recent departure from The Monkees. Or reveling in America's domination of the space race, as evidenced by the recent moon landing of Apollo 14.

Of course, if you were Dr. Husband, you were busy being born, little knowing that you would grow up to be weekly served dishes that intentionally include ingredients that nature abhors.

For Dr. Husband's birthday, we have a cake of sorts - and, actually, Dr. Husband had to make it himself. I'm a whiz at Jell-O, but he's the baker in the family.  And also part Canadian. So, here you go - Canadian Ketchup Cake!

"Ketchup in a cake?" you ask in astonishment.  Created to celebrate Heinz's 100th Anniversary in Canada, "this show-stopping cake tastes as good as it looks. If you are a fan of carrot cake, you'll want to try this recipe."

Another missive from Heinz claims that this cake is akin to traditional Red Velvet Cake, a statement I must vehemently disagree with. My grandmother, Mrs. White, was a master of the Waldorf Astoria Red Cake, a recipe which she secured DIRECTLY FROM THE WALDORF ASTORIA HOTEL (she said) AT GREAT COST AND PERSONAL RISK TO HERSELF (she said) AND SHE WAS PRACTICALLY THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD THAT HAD IT (she said).  Of course that was before the internet. At any rate, the ketchup cake is rather similar to carrot cake in taste and texture, but nothing at all like authentic red cake, which is moist and earthy and as dense as white dwarf star matter.

The recipe is as follows:
2 cups flour
2 tsp. baking powder
1 1/2 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. ground nutmeg
1/2 tsp. ground ginger
1/2 cup Heinz® Tomato Ketchup
1/2 cup water
1 Tbsp. red food coloring
3/4 cup butter softened
1 1/2 cups packed dark brown sugar
2 eggs
--- Frosting Ingredients ---
6 oz. brick-style cream cheese, softened
3/4 cup butter softened
1 tsp. vanilla extract
4 cups confectioner's sugar

Preheat the oven to 350°F. Grease two 9-inch round cake pans and line the bottoms with parchment paper. Stir the flour with the baking powder, cinnamon, baking soda, nutmeg and ginger into a bowl. In a separate bowl, combine Ketchup, water, and red coloring. Set aside.

In a large bowl using an electric mixer, beat the butter and then blend in the sugar until smooth. Beat in the eggs. Add the flour and Ketchup mixtures and beat on low, scraping down the bowl as needed, until combined. Increase the speed to medium-high and beat for 1 minute.

Divide the batter evenly between the prepared pans. Bake for 30 minutes or until the center springs back when touched lightly. Cool the cakes for 15 minutes before turning onto a rack to cool completely.

Frosting Preparation
With an electric mixer on medium speed, beat the cream cheese, butter, and vanilla for 2 minutes or until smooth. On low, gradually beat in the sugar, scraping the bowl as needed. Beat on high until fluffy.

Frost between the cake layers and over the sides and top of the cake.

You'll deduce, of course, that Dr. Husband made cupcakes instead of a traditional layer cake, and I'm comfortable disclosing that he also used canned cream cheese frosting. But never mind that, I know you all only come here for the videos anyway:

Our Rating: It's cake. You know you're going to eat it anyway.

(all dishes are rated from one to five Screaming Husbands. One Screaming Husband equals a happy home where all problems are solved during cocktail hour. Five Screaming Husbands signals the beginning of divorce proceedings.)

St. Patrick's Day Salad

contributed by Dr. Bobb

 

As long-time followers will know, today's ingredients are very dear to my heart, as the very first recipe on the blog, Guess What Salad, involved corned beef and Jell-O.  I was anxious to try something similar, now that my methodology is more precise, and my palate for gelatin-meat combinations much more refined.

Knowing that I wanted my dish to incorporate both corned beef AND cabbage, I went in search of a suitable recipe. The closest to what I had in mind was from Knox On-Camera Recipes (1960), the instructions to which are found below:

I followed the instructions to the letter - as you know, working with Knox requires the accuracy and precision of a scientist - but for whatever reason, the cabbage layer just wouldn't set up right. In desperation, I just went ahead and mixed it all together, in hopes that the gelatin in the corned beef layer would prime the cabbage gelling process, and left it overnight to chill, but no dice. So i dumped the whole mess down the disposal and started from scratch with my own concoction, a mélange of the above and this recipe, with lime Jell-O replacing the Knox just to make it extra-St. Patricks-y.

1 box (3 oz.) Lime Jell-O

1 cup boiling water

1/2 cup cold water

3 tablespoons lemon juice

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup shredded green cabbage 

1 cup mayonnaise

1 12-oz. can corned beef, diced

1/2 cup diced celery

1/2 cup sweet pickle relish

Dissolve Jell-O in boiling water. Add cold water, lemon juice, and salt.

Spread cabbage in bottom of  8-inch square baking dish or ring mold. Add just enough Jell-O mixture to cover cabbage. Chill until slightly firm.

Meanwhile, add remaining ingredients to the remainder of Jell-O mixture. Spoon onto cabbage layer. Chill several hours or overnight. To serve, unmold and cut into squares.

Guest taster Patrick (because it's St. Patrick's Day - see what I did there?) has a go at the finished product:

Our Rating: Zero Screaming Husbands!

(all dishes are rated from one to five Screaming Husbands. One Screaming Husband equals a happy home where all problems are solved during cocktail hour. Five Screaming Husbands signals the beginning of divorce proceedings.)