Thursday, September 9, 2021

Ann Landers' Save Your Marriage Meat Pie! (Pieathalon 8!)

JUST when you thought life couldn't get any more exciting, along comes the highlight of the late Summer/early Autumn social calendar, Pieathalon! Pieathalon EIGHT if you can believe it. I am, as always, honored to be counted among the participants, especially considering my last post here was (*checks notes) Pieathalon SEVEN.  Thanks to my fellow food bloggers and especially Yinzerella at Dinner is Served 1972 for prompting me to get off my a** and make something for public consumption again.

Because apparently being stuck in the house for a year and a half with literally nothing else to do wasn't enough to get me motivated.

But enough about me, let's make a pie!

The excellent Jenny from Silver Screen Suppers sent me a recipe for "Ann Landers' Save Your Marriage Meat Pie." (Don't panic, my marriage doesn't need saving at the moment. THAT I KNOW OF.)

Being of a certain age, I remember a time when Ann Landers (née Esther Pauline "Eppie" Lederer) and her twin sister, Abigail Van Buren (née Pauline Esther "PoPo" Phillips), in their competing advice columns, dictated the social mores of middle America with their witty, no-nonsense advice. In my early formative years, I had the advantage of living in a home where we received TWO daily newspapers, and so I was doubly-indoctrinated into polite society. (Full disclosure: The morning paper, The Columbus Citizen-Journal, carried Dear Abby and also had a far superior comics' section, so if forced to choose sides I would have to lean towards PoPo).

Ann Landers (left) and Abigail Van Buren

The recipe seemed a bit intimidating at first glance. I'm not much of a baker (I usually recruit Dr. Husband to make my crusts for these things) and the idea of trying to manipulate a crust into a bundt pan made me perspire. (In fairness, my only bundt pan is a pliable silicone thing that makes for easy cleanup but doesn't tend to hold the shape of whatever's in it very well.)

So, my crack Googling skills led me to the idea of little mini-muffin pies.

With my new goal in mind, I made the following modifications:
I halved the recipe across the board (maybe a mistake – read on)
I used ground turkey in place of pork – I live in the middle of nowhere and only ever see ground pork as part of a "meatloaf mix" and YES, I could have gone to the butcher and asked for some special order, but everyone is masked and also I don't like talking to people
I did not use chervil - see above about the middle of nowhere and also I don't know what chervil is and YES, I could have Googled it, but I had already Googled that day and I am awfully lazy

The dough came together very easily and was not nearly as sticky as I was led to believe. 


The dough didn't seem to rise. AT ALL. Maybe something got mis-aligned in my halving of the amounts? I know the yeast activated before I mixed it in, and the dough retained a delicious buttery, yeasty aroma throughout, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Likewise, the meat mixture was simple enough, my only regret being that I didn't have the Hamilton-Beach meat grinder that my mother received for Christmas, 1963. (Photo evidence below. If you can manage to keep your eyes from lingering on the fabulousness of the Christmas tree and the television.) 

As far as I remember, my mother used the meat grinder EXCLUSIVELY to grind up leftover ham for ham salad, and it sat in her kitchen well into my adulthood, and though she's no longer with us I'm pretty sure it still exists, intact and operational, somewhere in my own home or one of my siblings'.

Un-risen dough now rested, I shaped it into a muffin tin with varying degrees of success. Not only did it not noticeably rise, but it retained a very springy texture. By the time I had finished shaping one slot, the dough in the previously-completed slot had pulled back from the edges and begun to pull into itself. It was a race against time.

Once filled, I tried to get fancy with the remaining dough, again with varying degrees of success, as evidenced by the shot glass in the background.

I baked at 400 for just shy of 20 minutes, maybe that was even a little too long as they probably got a little too brown on the bottom.

So how did they taste? 

SPOILER ALERT my marriage is safe. FOR NOW

Check out my fellow Pieathletes' creations below, and stay tuned because KITSCHMAS IS COMING

Rum and Butterscotch Pie at Vintage Recipe Cards
Surprise Fudge Pie at Silver Screen Suppers
Tarte a l'Orange at Recipes for Rebels
Chocolate-Crusted Coffee Pie at Grannie Pantries
Osgood Pie at A Book of Cookrye
Tarte au Petite Suisse at The Nostalgic Cook
Dinner is Served 1972

ALSO: Did you know Dr. Husband and I have a podcast? And Dr. Husband even has another one all his own?


  1. They are so cute!! i love your lattice crust! xx

  2. I laughed from "the idea of trying to manipulate a crust into a bundt pan made me perspire," until the very tail end! Your results were quite handsome! Looking forward to Kitschmas!!!

  3. A for effort and creativity!
    Also, what is this Kitschmas? How do I get invited?

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

    2. You have an open invitation, can you sing?

  4. It's so nice to see you again! And the pies looked really good. You'd never guess the dough was supposed to rise.

  5. I love your open admission of laziness too! I'm not the only one.

    I'm also unnerved by how well you seem to know me. Of course I was mostly looking at the aluminum tree and the old TV rather than the people in your photograph! It's like you can read my mind.

  6. Yum, those look really good! I searched to see if anyone had actually made it in a Bundt pan and found nothing, so I'm guessing you made the right call. Plus, those are cuter than a giant meaty Bundt.

  7. I probably just woke up my neighbours by shrieking and then guffawing at Dr Husband's comment. "There's no prize? Then why do you do it?" HAHAHAHAHAHAH! We retro food bloggers often ask ourselves this very same question. Please let him know that there will be a Vincent Price Cucumber Crocodile contest running soon at Silver Screen Suppers and there WILL be prizes. A specially commissioned Vincent Price finger puppet and a spooky gothic candle in the shape of a very realistic finger to be precise. Hahahah. I LOVED your take on this pie. So pleased that your marriage does not need saving THAT YOU KNOW OF! Get yourself back in the kitschen Dr Bobb we need this stuff more than ever xx

  8. Natural Herbal Medicine To Cure {HERPES DISEASE} TOTALLY HERE 
    Do you need a solution to cure your Herpes Disease contact Chief Dr Lucky to help and he will surely help you to cure your Herpes Virus .. I have suffered from Herpes-2 Virus for 4years ago that almost took my life. But one day I was searching the internet and I found Chief Dr Lucky saw so many testimonies on how Chief Dr Lucky helps people in curing their deadly diseases, and I contacted Chief Dr Lucky, asked him for solutions and he started the remedies for my health. He prepared herbal medicine for me and I received the herbal medicine and after using it for 2 weeks my condition has greatly improved, all my symptoms including Abdominal pain, Nausea and vomiting, Loss of appetite stopped, so I went to my doc and was confirmed negative. I am Herpes Virus free! contact the herbal doctor via his email> also visit his fb page> Website> Https:// or his cell number / WhatsApp> +2348132777335