Kitschmas 2021: Tropical Tuna Salad!

 

Based on Banana Salmon Salad from "500 Delicious Salad Recipes", Culinary Arts Institute, 1951

3 ripe bananas, diced

1/2 cup diced canned pineapple (about 2 slices)

1 1/2 cups canned salmon

1/4 cup diced celery

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon chopped pickle

Mayonnaise to moisten

Mix bananas and pineapple together. Add flaked salmon. Fold in remaining ingredients. Garnish with crisp lettuce or other greens and lemon slices. Serves 8.

A.1. Tuna Mold!

contributed by DEANNA

Faithful reader Deanna sent me the recipe below (via Facebook... You can, too!), and though long-time readers will know that the idea of gelatinized fish products doesn't reflexively fill me with dread, I'll admit that the prospect of throwing A.1. sauce into the mix gave me pause. 

The recipe is simple, and honestly, if you're pressed for time and don't want to wait for it to set up in the fridge, I think it would work equally as well by leaving out the gelatin and serving as a hot dip.  As it was, Dr. Husband and our guest taster insisted that it be served alongside crackers.

Yes, I did serve it to actual not-in-on-the-joke guests after the video was filmed, and it was a big hit. Go figure!

Here's the recipe in its unaltered mid-century glory (Unfortunately I think the coupon has expired):

Incidentally, as a child I was fascinated and impressed by the A.1. pedigree as outlined on its label, to wit, that King George IV of England had tasted the sauce, created by his personal chef in 1824, and declared it "A-1" ("A number 1" being a contemporary term used by Lloyd's of London to designate the sturdiest ships.) Also incidentally, I was later fascinated by an old book I found in my great-Uncle's front room about A-No.-1,  alternatively known as "America's Most Celebrated Tramp" and "King of the Hoboes" 

But I digress. You're just waiting for the video, aren't you?

Our Rating: One Screaming Husband!
(all dishes are rated from one to five Screaming Husbands. One Screaming Husband equals a happy home where all problems are solved during cocktail hour. Five Screaming Husbands signals the beginning of divorce proceedings.)

Tuna 'n Waffles!

Campell's Soup Recipes ca. 1954

Snow Day! Snow Day! Snow Day!

Oh, so there's a snow day today, if you haven't heard. I was going to post something today anyway, but thought I'd take the opportunity of free time to branch out into other mealtimes. If I were to really set my mind to the task, I'd likely calculate that Dr. Husband has made far more breakfasts than I have - perhaps with good reason.

Also - thanks, America, for all the new Facebook likes this week. Keep 'em coming! (And subscribe to our Youtube Channel while you're at it)

In case you're having trouble reading the recipe from the ad above, here you go. (I omitted the olives, not by choice - they've all been used up in martinis and I can't get to the store because of the aforementioned snow.)

Blend 1 can Campbell's Cream of Mushroom Soup with 1/2 cup milk, 1 cup drained, flaked tuna (7-oz. can) and 1/4 cup sliced stuffed olives. Heat thoroughly. Pour over 4 crisp waffles. Presto, a quick 'n easy dinner for 4.

DINNER FOR FOUR my foot. It barely fed two of us and we didn't even like it that much!

I mean - it was okay. Reminds me of the creamed codfish that my grandmother used to make, served over her own homemade bread.

Here's Dr. Husband's reaction, not as bad as I feared -

Our Rating: One Screaming Husband!

(all dishes are rated from one to five Screaming Husbands. One Screaming Husband equals a happy home where all problems are solved during cocktail hour. Five Screaming Husbands signals the beginning of divorce proceedings.)

Glace Fish Mold!

Every few weeks, Facebook becomes re-enamored with some variation of "21 Most Disgusting Retro Recipes" and you Kitchenettes trip all over yourselves sending me the link. I'm grateful to be remembered, I really am; but to paraphrase the immortal words of Miss Faye Dunaway in Mommie Dearest, "I'm not mad at you, Helga, I'm mad at the dirt."  

Buzzfeed has failed to perform due diligence in their besmirching of mid-century cookery - I've already made several of their "disgusting" recipes, and without exception they were - well, "not awful" might be the best that could be said about some of them, but others, like today's offering, are quite a sucess.

I'll grant you that it looks like something the dog disgorged, though.

"Glace Fish Mold" is almost always included in Buzzfeed's list, but invariably it's just the picture, with no recipe attached. I had a devil of a time tracking down how to make it, but finally found a recipe courtesy of our friends over at Brain Pickings:

You'll notice right away that my creation looks nothing at all like the picture above, even though I followed the recipe to the letter. My testers theorized that the dish in the photo might contain some tomato juice; I'm more inclined to blame bad lighting.

I'm sure you're all anxious to get to the video so you can watch Dr. Husband retch all over our newly-finished dining room, but I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed:

Our Rating:  One Screaming Husband!
(all dishes are rated from one to five Screaming Husbands. One Screaming Husband equals a happy home where all problems are solved during cocktail hour. Five Screaming Husbands signals the beginning of divorce proceedings.)

Tuna Nicoise Mold b/w French Toasted Mortadella-Salami-Artichoke Sandwiches

The New Joys of Jell-O (1973)
The Midnight Cookbook (1971)

 

A double feature! Dr. Husband and I are on the road this summer - as you well know if you're following our travel posts -  and today we're coming to you from lovely Florence, South Carolina, home of Seminar Brewing, and of course you'll remember Dr. and Mrs. Substitute.

A quick scan through the French-Toasted sandwich recipe will tell you that it doesn't sound disgusting at all, just interesting, and since we had to make dinner anyway, we figured we might as well make something delicious.  The Tuna Nicoise Mold, on the other hand - well, a glimpse of the photo above may be reminiscent of a frat house bathroom on a Sunday morning, but as longtime readers know, we've never been led astray by a seafood/Jell-O combination.

Tuna Nicoise Mold (aka Jellied Salad Nicoise)

1 can (7 oz.) tuna, drained and coarsely flaked

1 small tomato, diced and drained

1/2 cup cooked cut green beans (I used canned)

2 tablespoons sliced ripe olives

2 tablespoons green pepper strips (I used roasted red)

2 tablespoons red onion strips

2 tablespoons mild French or Italian dressing (I used Mrs. Substitute's homemade French)

1 package (3 oz.) Jell-O Lemon Gelatin

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup boiling water

1/2 cup cold water

2 teaspoons vinegar

1 hard-cooked egg, diced

2 cups coarsely chopped lettuce

1/2 cup mayonnaise

2 tablespoons cream or milk

2 anchovy fillets, finely chopped (optional)

Combine tuna, vegetables, and French dressing in a bowl. Mix lightly; let stand while preparing gelatin mixture.

Dissolve gelatin and salt in boiling water. Add cold water and vinegar. Chill until mixture just begins to thicken. Then spoon vegetable mixture and diced egg into a 6-cup ring mold. Pour on half the gelatin. Spread lettuce on top. Add remaining gelatin. Chill until firm - at least 4 hours.

Mix mayonnaise, cream and anchovies. Unmold salad. Garnish with watercress, if desired. Serve with mayonnaise dressing. Makes about 5 cups or 6 entree salads.

French Toasted Mortadella, Salami, and Artichoke Sandwiches

16 slices thin white sandwich bread

Soft butter or margarine

1 pound mortadella sausage, thinly sliced

1/2 pound genoa salami, thinly sliced

6 ounce jar artichoke hearts in oil

4 eggs, slightly beaten

1/2 cup light cream or milk

Salad oil

(at Mrs. Substitute's suggestion, I added a slice of Swiss cheese to each sandwich.)

Spread 8 slices of bread generously with soft butter. Place mortadella and salami on buttered bread. Meat should not extend beyond margin of bread. Drain artichoke hearts, reserving oil. Cut artichoke hearts into thin slices and place them on meat. Brush remaining bread with oil from artichoke hearts. Put bread slices together to make sandwiches. Press lightly. Mix eggs and cream. Heat 1/4 inch salad oil in electric skillet preheated at 370 degrees (I used cooking spray in a non-electric skillet). Holding each sandwich firmly with two hands, dip into egg mixture briefly as in making French toast. Sauté sandwiches until medium brown on both sides.

If you were looking forward to some tuna-induced retching this week, I hate to disappoint you, but we have two winners:

Our Ratings:  
Tuna Nicoise Mold - One Screaming Husband!
French Toasted Sandwiches - Zero Screaming Husbands!

(all dishes are rated from one to five Screaming Husbands. One Screaming Husband equals a happy home where all problems are solved during cocktail hour. Five Screaming Husbands signals the beginning of divorce proceedings.)

Tuna Ring with Tuna Sauce

Betty Crocker's Pantry Jubilee (1958)

 "New Bisquick Dish with an elegant air!" proclaims Betty Crocker's 1958 newspaper insert, "Pantry Jubilee".  Then comes the indoctrinating, almost-menacing afterthought:

BISQUICK'S GOING TO HELP YOU MORE THAN ANY OTHER PACKAGE IN THE GROCERY STORE

Well, I don't know about that - I mean, Jell-O and Cool Whip must rate up there somewhere - but Bisquick is awfully handy to have around the house,

 BECAUSE BISQUICK'S SPUN TOGETHER IN A WAY NOBODY CAN MANAGE AT HOME

Do you hear me?  NOBODY 

Not to be confused with Ring-Around-The-Tuna, today's Tuna Ring contains not a stitch of gelatin:

2 cups Bisquick

2/3 cup evaporated milk

1/3 cup water

3 eggs

1/2 tsp. salt

1/8 tsp. pepper

two 7-oz. cans tuna, flaked with oil

1/2 cup grated sharp cheese

1 tbsp. chopped onion

1/4 cup chopped pimiento

1/3 cup chopped celery

Heat over to 400 degrees (moderately hot). Grease a 9" square baking dish or 11 x 7" baking dish or 9" ring mold. Blend Bisquick, milk, water, eggs, salt and pepper. Beat vigorously 30 seconds. Mix ion 1 1/2 cans tuna, 1/4 cup cheese, onion, pimiento and celery. Spread batter in prepared pan. Sprinkle the remaining 1/4 cup cheese over top. Bake 30 to 35 minutes. Serve with Tuna Sauce in center. 8 servings.

Tuna Sauce: Gradually add 1 cup evaporated milk and 2/3 cup water to 2 tbsp. Bisquick, 1/2 tsp. salt, 1/4 tsp. pepper and remaining 1/2 can tuna. Heat and serve.

It may surprise you to learn that, though I love eating chowders and other creamed seafood dishes, the actual act of creating said dishes turns my stomach a little. Notwithstanding the documented fact that I will eat anything that's suspended in lemon gelatin. 

Plus, "Tuna Sauce".

So, I didn't have high hopes for this recipe. But...

Our Rating: Zero Screaming Husbands!

(all dishes are rated from one to five Screaming Husbands. One Screaming Husband equals a happy home where all problems are solved during cocktail hour. Five Screaming Husbands signals the beginning of divorce proceedings.)

Monterey Soufflé Salad

contributed by Star-Kist Tuna, ca. 1955

Welcome back!  Thank you for all your kind encouragements during the 12 Days of Kitschmas, and, thank you to my legions of fans who were thoughtful enough to send me this Buzzfeed article listing "21 Truly Upsetting Vintage Recipes." Upsetting?!? Clearly Buzzfeed, whomever that might be, is reflexively reacting to the listed ingredients and not going to the trouble of making and tasting the recipes, like I do for you.  In fact, #21 on their list, which they labeled with a horrified "?????????", has already been made, tasted, and Dr. Husband-approved in the Historic test kitchen!

So, for our inaugural post of 2014, I've made another "horrifying" dish from Buzzfeed's list, #14, Monterey Soufflé Salad. (I've had dozens of requests to do #2, Ham and Bananas Hollandaise...which I will do, but I had the ingredients for Monterey Soufflé Salad in the house, and I'm lazy, so there.)

While assembling the dish, I formulated a theory, the theory being that fish combined with gelatin in delicious, and will please a man's palate. For support, I offer these past dishes, as well as today's offering. (I am willing to admit the possibility that it might be the mayonnaise that gives these recipes the edge, but...)

Here's the recipe, as presented in Star-Kist Tuna promotional materials, circa 1955:
1 pkg lemon-flavored gelatin
1 cup hot water and 1/2 cup cold water
2 tbsps lemon juice
1/2 cup Hellmann’s or Best Foods Real Mayonnaise
1-1/2 can Star-Kist Tuna
3/4 cup chopped cucumber or celery
1/4 cup sliced stuffed olives
2 tbsps chopped pimento
1/2 tsp grated onion

Dissolve gelatin in hot water. Add cold water, lemon juice, real mayonnaise and 1/4 tsp salt. Blend well with rotary beater. Pour into refrigerator freezing tray. Quick chill in freezing unit (without changing control) 15 to 20 minutes, or until firm about 1 inch from edge but soft in center. Turn mixture into bowl and whip with rotary beater until fluffy. Fold in remaining ingredients. Pour in 1-quart mold or individual molds. Chill until firm in refrigerator (not freezing unit) 30 to 60 minutes. Unmold and garnish with salad greens and serve with additional real mayonnaise, if desired. Yield: 4-6 servings.

I did use the name brand tuna and mayonnaise as directed. The only alteration I made was cutting back on the amount of pimiento, as I often find that the flavor overpowers the dish.

Also, it's my first try at whipping partially-chilled gelatin - you'll hear Dr. Husband comment on how light and fluffy the dish is, and that's why! There are lots of extended gelatin techniques I've discovered in old cookbooks, which I'll be sharing this year, so stay tuned.

Anyway, what did we think?

A couple more items of business:

If you're near the eastern panhandle of West Virginia, you can come hear Dr. Husband and I sing!

You can also like and follow us on Facebook, or on Feedspot if that's more your speed. (I'm determined to become an internet sensation by the beginning of summer, so your support is always appreciated. Tell all your friends!)

 Our Rating: One Screaming Husband!
(all dishes are rated from one to five Screaming Husbands. One Screaming Husband equals a happy home where all problems are solved during cocktail hour. Five Screaming Husbands signals the beginning of divorce proceedings.)

Ring-Around-The-Tuna

Ring-Around-The-Tuna
"A beautiful jewel-like entree salad for your luncheon or buffet table!"

-"Joys of Jell-O", page 65

In for a penny, in for a pound they say. So I've been scouring eBay for vintage recipe books (that are in my price range, which limits me quite a bit.)

My first triumph arrived in the mail yesterday, the 1963 edition of "Joys of Jell-O". I literally squealed with delight when I opened the package.

Not only recipes, but so much more - recommended chilling times, tips on un-molding, and even a delightful preface, "The Story of Jell-O...And Why It Grew";

Jell-O Gelatin first grandly shimmered its way into American dining rooms in 1897. Just how many brands in your kitchen go back 65 years? Very few, you can be sure, and fewer still have continued to grow in popularity the way Jell-O Gelatin has each year.

...Jell-O Gelatin's long-time popularity comes from many good things. Its lightness is one - a big one. Jell-O Gelatin is so light it seems to make any meal sit a little lighter. Its fresh fruit taste, so much like the fruit that inspired it, is utterly satisfying. And its easy to fix in all kinds of ways - some we'll wager that have never entered your mind. 


Fair enough. Encasing tuna fish in lime Jell-O never would have entered my mind (and this is coming from someone who's already put corned beef in Jell-O.)

But, come on. It's called "Ring-Around-The-Tuna". How could I not. It's like Joys of Jell-O was daring me to make it.

As I've come to find out, one of the major frustrations when making a savory Jell-O dish is trying to balance out the sweetness of the fruit flavoring.  Jell-O in fact did address this problem, briefly, in the 1960's, by developing four savory flavors:  celery, mixed vegetable, seasoned tomato, and italian salad.

For some reason, the savory flavors weren't so popular, and were discontinued shortly after their introduction. Oddly, I remember a box of tomato flavor Jell-O which sat, unused, in our pantry through most of my childhood.  Though likely to be inedible after 50 years, you can still find unopened boxes of these flavors for sale if you're so inclined.

The more standard method of turning sweet-to-savory is by adding vinegar and grated onion.  In an earlier recipe, I pooh-poohed the idea of grating onion versus fine dicing, but I have finally seen the light; grating produces an onion slush that can mix in and flavor the entire mold, rather than bits of flavor here and there.

Now then, here is the recipe in all its glory:

1 package (3 oz.) Jell-O Lime or Lemon-Lime Gelatin

1/4 teaspoon salt

1 cup boiling water

3/4 cup cold water

 2 tablespoons vinegar

2 teaspoons grated onion

1/2 cup diced cucumber

1/ cup diced celery*

2 tablespoons chopped pimiento*

2 tablespoons sliced stuffed olives

1 can (7 oz.) tuna, drained and flaked

* or reduce celery to 1/4 cup and substitute 1/2 cup chopped tomato for the pimiento

Dissolve Jell-O Gelatin and salt in boiling water. Add cold water, vinegar, and onion. Chill until very thick. Stir in remaining ingredients. Pour into individual ring molds or a 1-quart ring mold. Chill until firm. Unmold on crisp salad greens. If desired, serve with additional tuna and top salads with mayonnaise. Makes 3 2/3 cups, or about 4 entree servings.

This goes together fairly quickly, the most time consuming part was grating the onion.  Husband got a peek at the recipe title as I was putting it together and gasped, "Wait, there's not tuna in it, is there?"  Heh.

Now, the officially-approved trick to adding items to Jell-O is to "chill until very thick, not set".  Maybe  judging the point at which Jell-O is very thick but not set was a skill taught in Home Economics classes back in the day, but frankly it caused me a lot of anxiety. I watched it like a mother hen. And I'm still not sure if I chose the right moment to add everything in, but made my best guess.

Whether because of my mixing style or timing, my mold ended up being somewhat cloudier than the photo sample provided in Joys of Jell-O:

Mine

Theirs

I am exceedingly fond of my radish roses, however.

What we thought: This is actually not the most disgusting thing I've ever had in my mouth (no gay jokes, please). You can definitely tell that there's tuna in it, but it's not an overpowering taste.

Husband likes the mix of textures. The most jarring thing for both of us is the uneasy mix between sweet and salty - unlike, say, salted caramel, the two extremes here don't mix quite so well. Nonetheless, husband said "I would almost welcome that on a hot summer's day."

We each tried a second taste with a dollop of mayonnaise on top, and it worked much better at smoothing out the salty-sweet disparity.  A quarter cup or so of mayonnaise mixed in before chilling might not be such a bad idea. Were it still available, I wouldn't be opposed to trying this recipe with celery-flavored Jell-O, or even the discontinued lemon-lime. In fact, lemon might even be a better fruit-flavored choice for this particular recipe, especially with the addition of mayonnaise.

So mock if you will, but there may be something to this gelatin cookery after all. Or maybe I'm just a fat slob who'll eat anything.  Nonetheless, I'll continue tasting so you don't have to!

Our Rating: Two Screaming Husbands!

(all dishes are rated from one to five Screaming Husbands. One Screaming Husband equals a happy home where all problems are solved during cocktail hour. Five Screaming Husbands signals the beginning of divorce proceedings.)